January/February 2000 Issue

Bermuda Road Rash
Motor-biking to the East End—quintessentially Bermuda

In Bermuda, scooter-directed road rage virtually does not exist. Contrary to how we view mopeds or scooters here on the barrier islands of Southwest Florida, Bermuda exhibits no tourist stigma against motoring on two wheels; Bermudans do it themselves. Because islanders are limited to one car per family, many of the locals (invariably the men in the family, the men invariably will tell you) end up riding motor scooters (see accompanying article, Beauty: It’s the Law).
   Road rash—now that’s a different liability and more common, referring, in local parlance, to the less pleasurable consequences of scootering.
   First, let me say that I wouldn’t be caught undisguised driving a so-called moped (few scooters these days actually have the pedal option) around Sanibel. In Bermuda—where they simply call them “bikes,” not to be confused with “pedal bikes,” also a popular mode of transportation—you don’t have a choice. There are no rental cars.
   Consequently, I got to putt-putt around for hours, free of impatient horns, four-wheel bullies, and shame. I hate to admit this here at home, but I had a blast! This is a great way to view this beautiful group of islands, situated about 600 miles east of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina. Because of its location in the Gulf Stream, the climate is moderate. Even at this time of year—mid-winter—daytime temperatures are around 70 degrees, 60 degrees in the evening. Summertime temperatures are in the 80s. There is no rainy season, so moped travel is not usually a problem.
   My first morning I buzzed down to the East End along cliff-top South Road, overlooking the island’s famous pink-sand beaches, pastel-painted rock homes, and no-leaf-out-of-place landscaping.
   Bermuda’s East End is the island’s cradle. The charming Old-World town of St. George served as the first capital and a rowdy headquarters for pirates and Civil War blockade-running renegades. To get there from South Road (the main tourist route), you’ll skirt picturesque Harrington Sound. Originally landlocked, since opened by a canal, it is believed to be the crater of a volcano that created the 150 or so islands of Bermuda. On the east side of the sound, Crystal Caves descend 88 feet. Still lakes give window to a craggy world another 55 feet below, draped overhead with stalactites of Gothic proportion.
   Back above ground, the road crosses the causeway to the airport and a breezy ride takes you waterside to St. George. Turn right to get to King’s Square, center of activity and a cruise-ship port. Here you’ll want to dismount. Make sure to park in a scooter-sanctioned spot. They are clearly marked with signs or small rectangles painted on the pavement.
   St. George’s circa-1700 buildings hold shops, restaurants, and pubs of a touristy nature. Scottish kilts, “I survived mopeding” T-shirts, Bermuda long-tail bird charms, and bottled sherry pepper sauce are the shopping specialties; fish chowder, meat pies, and rum swizzles the signature pub fare. The Bermuda National Trust Museum occupies one of the island’s oldest stone buildings, where today’s obsession is Bermuda’s role in the Civil War. The era woke up a sleepy little burg, said the loquacious ticket-man with his typical British accent. “It became a wild town, not for the faint-hearted.”
   St. George likes to plug its roguish past. At high noon on certain days, the town crier leaves his desk at the town hall to oversee a wench ducking (or dunking). This was a means of punishment in Colonial days. A model ducking stool and wooden stocks provide photo opportunities. Across a short bridge to Ordinance Island, once used for hangings, a full-sized replica of the wooden ship Deliverance tells the story of Bermuda’s role in the survival of America’s Jamestown. For a fee, you can peek below deck.
   Once you’ve had your fill of history and shopping, take your scooter through some of St. George’s ancient, narrow back streets, with colorful names such as Featherbed Alley, Old Maid’s Lane, and Slippery Hill. The main road takes you east to Gates Fort and Alexandra Battery, two of the 13 fort sites that earned Bermuda its nickname as “Gibraltar of the West.” To the north, Fort St. Catherine, built in 1614, is one of the island’s major fortifications, with its own museum and resident ghost. (In case you run into him, his name is George.)
   On your way out of St. George, you may want to pause at St. Peter’s, the oldest continually occupied church in the New World, circa 1713. On the other side of the causeway, head north—this time toward the Bermuda Perfumery. Here, a short, free tour tells you the history of the 70-year-old family business and demonstrates the mechanics of perfume making. After that, you are free to browse the gift shop and wander the flowery gardens and orchid house.
   When you’ve reached the scenic town of Flatts, you’ve come almost full-circle around Harrington Sound. Bermuda’s most popular attraction, the Bermuda Aquarium, Natural History Museum, and Zoo, takes you indoors and out to experience fauna, both local and exotic. Highlights include a 145,000-gallon reef tank viewable from two glass walls, a native critter house with children’s discovery center, and an exhibit of rare Australasia animals, including a tree kangaroo, flying fox, binturong, and wallaby.
   Stop for ice cream while in town and a beverage for the ride back. Bermuda provides a number of small, green parks where you can rest, rehydrate, and drink in the fabulous views.
   Other tips for the bike road: Remember to drive on the left. Wear a helmet (it’s the law) and sneakers. On sunny days, bring along a towel to prevent a hot seat when you reboard (the mildest form of road rash). Use sunscreen, especially on the tops of your legs. Pull over if traffic accumulates behind you, and don’t forget to click off your signal once you’ve turned. Be as courteous as the Bermudans, and you’ll fit right in. If you really want to do it local-style, put on a suit coat, pair of Bermuda shorts, and knee-high stockings. And do it with a straight face.

BEAUTY: IT’S THE LAW
Twenty-one-square-mile Bermuda proper has a population of around 60,000 and growing. Yet who has ever seen a tidier, more aesthetically pleasing island anywhere? How does it do it? Well, on Bermuda, beauty is mandated. There are laws (and other clever strategies):

• To prevent trashy car build-up, Bermuda restricts car ownership to one per family. Cars are annually inspected for unsightly dents and rust. Before purchasing a new car, the owner must sell or have crushed and incinerated the old car. Car size is also regulated.
• For second vehicles, families buy motor scooters. Tourists who want their own transportation around the island must rent a scooter; no rental cars are available.
• Foreigners who wish to move to Bermuda must pay around $1.25 million for a home and cannot work or start a business. (It sort of keeps out the riff-raff, joked one Bermudan.)
• To keep unemployment rates practically nil, law requires employers to hire qualified Bermudans before bringing in laborers. Restaurants and resorts must buy products from local farmers before importing them, no matter what the cost.
• Stepped coral stone roofs channel rainwater for home use. White paint gives the roofs a clean look; lime wash neutralizes acid rain.
• No building can ascend higher than the cathedral.
• Building material comes from the excavated site. (Bermuda sits on one big rock.) Ten-foot walls withstand hurricanes and forestall the need for air conditioning.
• No law says Bermudans must paint their homes pretty pastel; they do so as a matter of pride. (And perhaps some neighborhood peer pressure?)
• The government requires $37 million in assets for a business to locate on the island.
• No high-pressure advertising is allowed away from a business site.
• Planting spider lilies not only beautifies roadsides, but also holds banks in place.
• Students pick up litter for pledges to earn money for overseas field trips.
• Guns are illegal on Bermuda. Most policemen don’t carry firearms.

And you thought we had strict rules and regs here on the islands!

Chelle Koster Walton specializes in Florida and Caribbean travel. She is partner in the new Guidebookwriters.com online travel consulting business.